a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
