I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
