I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize