Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
