what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
