Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
