You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
pray to the hookup gods
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize