I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
