? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize