i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
