just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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