I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
