Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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