I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
