my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
