ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Someone stole a lamp last night.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
