We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
