ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
