Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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