Your tits are I can't wait for
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
