tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
