I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
