$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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