Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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