we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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