WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You were trust falling into bushes
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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