u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
