You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
