I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
