Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize