i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
