I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
