I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
