God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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