ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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