Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You've changed since you got that strap on
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
