he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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