its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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