We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
sex in a hospital.. check
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
