My girlfriend figured out who you are.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
