is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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