Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize