I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
they're like a gay fantastic four
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
