I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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