A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
