i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
