I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
