Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
