Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
