In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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