They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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