i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
