I want to make a zoo with you.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
