finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
