She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize