shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
