my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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