There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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