no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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