She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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