My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
