That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
