I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
