Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
