yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
