Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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