evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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