dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
