how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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